Doug of the Distant Future
Written by Pat Tully
INT. LABORATORY - DAY
SUPERIMPOSE: Somewhere in Nevada, 1977
WORKERS IN UNIFORMS bustle about in a lab, when a METAL DOOR slides open and TWO SCIENTISTS, EVERETT, a young man, and NICHOLS, a young woman, walk through hurriedly.
EVERETT
Is he back yet?
NICHOLS
We have contact, but no sign of him yet.
A MAN IN A SUIT approaches them and HOLDS OUT A BADGE.
MAN IN A SUIT
Dr. Everett. Dr. Nichols. I’m Agent Roland Graham. CIA. They said something on the phone about a vaporizer? Is that some kind of weapon?
NICHOLS
Actually…no. They use them to relieve stres.
The MAN IN A SUIT is perplexed. Everett hurries over to a CONTROL BOARD.
EVERETT
He’ll be here any second now. We only have 90 seconds before the tear collapses, so we must be direct.
AGENT GRAHAM
What do you mean by “a tear?”
CAMERA PANS to AN AREA BEHIND GLASS, where an EMPTY CHAIR sits under a BRIGHT LIGHT. Suddenly, FLASHES OF LIGHT AND ELECTRICITY happen around the chair for a few moments before..
It stops. DOUG, 20’s, in sweatpants and a Knicks jersey over a T-shirt, appears next to the chair. He is CHEWING GUM and wearing OVERSIZED SUNGLASSES. He is texting on an IPHONE.
Everett runs over to a MICROPHONE by the glass.
EVERETT
Doug?! Doug! Is that you?!
DOUG (puts up a finger, still on his phone)
Hold up. Oh, this is gonna be good.
Graham is terrified. He turns to Nichols.
GRAHAM
Who the hell is that?
NICHOLS
This is Doug. We created a tear in space-time and somehow, Doug found it. In the year 2021.
DOUG (yells)
I keep forgetting about the goddamn Wi-Fi! This tweet would have absolutely lit up.
EVERETT
We’ve been over this. It’s 90 seconds. We just need answers.
DOUG
Alright, relax, man. Trust me, it’s not all that exciting. Enjoy smoking on airplanes, stuff like that. ‘Cause they take it away. But apparently, the lady next to you can have her poodle shit in your lap.
Doug puts his phone away.
DOUG (CONT’D)
So, where were we?
EVERETT
Technology advances at an incredibly rapid rate, as you’ve said.
DOUG
Zuckerberg, bro. Wait’ll you guys see that movie.
EVERETT
Are there any downsides or flaws in these advancements we should know about?
DOUG
(beat) Catfishing.
EVERETT
...catfishing?
DOUG
Oh, yeah, it’s scary stuff. A guy will be talking to a hot chick on the Internet, but something seems off, and then it’ll turn out to be Randall from Joe’s Auto Body or something like that.
EVERETT
Are you saying this technology allows people to change forms?!
Everett looks at Graham. Graham whips out a NOTEPAD and starts WRITING FEVERISHLY.
DOUG
On the Internet, for sure. Never gettin’ fooled again, can promise you that.
GRAHAM
Anything else you can tell us-
DOUG (cont’d_
Because getting that guy to leave after the mix-up. WOOF. I mean he didn’t mind - at all. Just hung out.
EVERETT
Well, does this “Internet” have an impact on American political trends?
DOUG
What? Social media? Uh (chuckles) yeah, I would say so.
Nichols walks over to the microphone.
NICHOLS
Doug, what can you tell us about movies and television? How have they changed in forty years?
DOUG
Well, there was this movie where this lady has sex with a fish dude and it won an
Oscar. Take that as you will.
GRAHAM (sarcastically)
Wow. Great! That’s helpful!
DOUG
Shit, I left my vape. Ahhhh. Son of a bitch, the pockets on these pants, man!
A YOUNG SCIENTIST at his DESK turns around.
YOUNG SCIENTIST
30 seconds!
EVERETT
Alright. Please, Doug. This could be the last chance we have to speak with you. Tell us - what is the focal point of the American economy in your time?
DOUG
It’s hard to just ‘dive in’ to crypto in that amount of time.
GRAHAM
Oh, Jesus. And what is that????
INT. LAB HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER
Through the HALLWAY DOORS, we see the FLASHING LIGHTS. GRAHAM then storms out, followed by EVERETT.
GRAHAM
Well, I don’t know if you heard, but we’re in for fish fucking and imaginary money. Close the tear for good. We...we gotta figure this out.
Graham storms off. Everett SIGHS, then starts toying with a FIDGET SPINNER from his pocket, as ominous music begins to play.